13
Jan
Anonymous asked: if you feel so guilty why don't you speak out about what happened to you? it may actually help other people and since you are one that actually got away and are in a good relationship now i think other women would feel hope if you shared.
Anonymous asked you: Why do you keep bringing this up.
- I find it fascinating how different people/readers can see the same situation so differently. On the one hand, Anon #1 thinks that I’m not speaking out enough about what happened, while Anon #2 thinks that writing about it 3 times is apparently too much. (?can’t please all the people all the time?)
- Let me just say that blogging about it after being silent for 8 years is the way that I feel comfortable sharing my story. Why do some women feel comfortable being advocates and speaking out in public while some stay silent? Probably the same reason that some women leave abusive men, and some stay. For me it wasn’t fear, I wasn’t afraid that he would track me down or that I would have to sneak away in the middle of the night. I was afraid of what people would think. I believe I shamed myself into staying. I had always portrayed myself as this strong, independent, take no bullshit kind of woman in public. So, when my home life got bad, I thought that people would view me differently, not take me as seriously, or not respect me if they knew what was happening.
- In some way, I suppose I still feel the same. My family doesn’t know, and only a select few of my friends know, and I am aware that it’s because I don’t want them to think I’m weak or feel sorry for me or think of me any differently than they already do.
- Isn’t it possible that there are women in this situation right now that are on tumblr? I hope that if they are, and they are reading my blog, that they can see how happy I am now and realize that there is always hope. I also hope that they know they can email me, or message me and I will listen. I will LISTEN.
It’s my story. I shared it. I might continue to share it, I might decide to speak using my voice someday, or I might decide to keep typing. Just like leaving…it’s my choice.
