I believe that this episode of Teen Mom can best be recapped in the words of the Teen Moms and Dads themselves. 

Maci:

As Rahn said, “Life’s tough, get a helmet.”  
Read: stop bitching that Rahn will always have to be in your life.  I’m with your mama on this one, you should have thought about that BEFORE you had his baby.  

Amber:

Geary has Amber saved in his phone as, “Plain Old Amber.”  I die. I rewind, pause, make sure I’m reading this correctly, and die. How exactly can the person who, “completes you” be Plain Old Amber?

Really Geary, she completes you? That line is so 1996, were you even born yet?

Farrah:  

While driving around town, before dumping her child at her parents’ for the next two years while she “finds herself” in Florida, Farrah decides to take Sophia on a tour de Derek. “This is the lookout point where your dad and I used to sit and look at each other for hours.” ?Look at?  OK. 

One day when Baby Goo, aka Sophia, is older Farrah will probably tell her that this is how babies are made.  I mean, she may even believe that herself at this point.  

Catelynn:

I’m happy that they didn’t make Brandon and Teresa break their hearts by finally saying that they weren’t coming to graduation.  Seriously, we all know that they weren’t coming, right?  They adopted your kid, not your crazy felon-filled family. Butch/Daryl, which we finally find out is pronounced DARRL, goes back to jail. 

Tyler assumes Butch has been popped for “droppin’ dirty.”  I think I need a translator for this.  I’ve heard of ridin’ dirty, but never droppin’ dirty…however, I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s drugs.  Can’t we look at and listen to Butch and tell that he’s not clean?

Also, how rude of MTV to slight little Nick air time when he has lost his rat tail and his step dad all in one episode.   

[My research tells me that droppin dirty is failing a pee test. However, further research tells me that Butch went to jail for violating his no contact order with April.  I can sympathize, I have no idea how he has kept himself from her loving embrace and her beautiful face all of this time. GAG ME.]

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I really hope that this isn’t the Final Finale of Teen Mom.

[Related: Where is baby Ali, I need MTV to get on this. I’ve been googling Baby Ali Medical Condition and I get nothing. Bring Teen Mom 2 Back!]